Prayers at 12:30AM (Unedited and Unwarranted)

Tonight, I prayed.

I haven’t prayed in probably three years. Tonight, I felt like I really needed to. It’s kinda funny. I totally forgot how to actually start a prayer. I didn’t know if I need to start it off like a letter, or if I just say what I needed to say. In the end, I started by saying, “Dear God, it’s been a while.” In all honesty, I almost cried saying those words.

When there’s literally nothing else to do, no options, or no way to take action, what else can a man do but pray?

I also signed myself. Haven’t done that ironically in years as well. Is my prayer based on a glimmer of faith left within me? I claim to be a man with no faith, but I guess I have a basic faith in something.

I saw a video the other day where a priest, a rabbi, and an atheist all smoked weed together. The video was pretty interesting and funny, but there were a couple of lines that really stuck.

At one point the rabbi tells the atheist that he knows that the atheist has a basic faith in the universe and love, and the atheist might not call it all God, but he has faith in something. The rabbi continues to say that he can love the atheist even thought they just met. I think the words, “I can love you” were spoken.

Wow. I have a basic faith in something, man. I don’t know what it is. I don’t think there is a God. I don’t think there is purpose. But, for some reason, I count on love and happiness to guide the universe. I don’t call all the good in the world “God.” Your God can be different from mine even though mine doesn’t exist. Your goodness has a name, mine doesn’t.

If we strip away all the names, all the clutter, and boil things down to its basic element, then your goodness and my goodness are pretty much the same thing. I think this is why there are good non-religious people in the world. Different people have different explanations of why there is good in the world and why we should practice it.

I am not a bad person for merely calling goodness by another name, by rejecting an explanation of goodness. Rather, I just let goodness be, and I practice it as best I can in my own life, hoping to be a better person going to sleep than I was waking up. A lot of the time, this task is hard to meet, and sometimes, it’s not met. That’s fine, I’ll try again tomorrow. Just as long as I don’t become a bad person.

I’m not a bad person.

I can be loved.





P.S. I wish I could elaborate more on this topic. This post is not as long as I would like it to be and maybe it doesn’t make sense. Give me a break. It’s late.

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