I Got the Secrets, Man

The usual Saturday night routine for Red and Joaquin was to sit in the living room of their rented apartment, pull out the bong, and smoke until they forget they were smoking.

Red was, by all accounts, a concentrated ball of mass. Started lifting when he was 14. Same time he started losing hair. His first girlfriend in high school dumped him during lunch because she said he was too mature. “It’s like you age at 1.3 times speed,” she told him later through text. He cried into his tangerine slices. If the word staunch republican could be a person, it would look like Red. His full name after all was Redford White. Red and white for the american flag and ford because they “made the best American jalopy and their logo is blue,” once said his dad. Red voted for a third party last election cycle.

Joaquin grew up in Catholic school. He found it boring. During lecture, Joaquin would take a sharpie and secretly cross out words in the bible, leaving certain words untouched thus making a new story for him to read. Once his teacher was teaching Revelation. It goes, Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: “ ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’who was, and is, and is to come.” 

It translated: EACH of the four living CREATUREs HAD SIX WINGS AND was covered with EYES all around, even UNDER ITS WINGS. DAY AND NIGHT THEY never stop SAYing: HOLY, HOLY, HOLY iS tHe Lord God AlmIghTy,’who was, and is, and is to come.” 

This little hobby quickly turned into an obsession. He found hidden messages all over the bible. He’d reveal these secrets to only those he deemed worthy.

“Hey, did you know that Judas actually betrayed an impostor Jesus who had kidnapped the real Jesus?”

“Hey, did you know that Moses actually built three other arks that he gave to his brothers Boses and Toses?”

This obsession quickly turned into a lifestyle. He started to question everything. Why should we believe anything anyone tells us? Who said facts are facts? How much information gets fed to us without a fact check? How much of that same info is a lie? Who is to say that communication itself was designed by someone that wanted us to talk in the first place?

“Hey,” Joaquin said. He wanted Red’s attention who was staring intensely at his knees.


No answer.


No answer.

“I think that the natural state of living organisms is to be in orbit with itself,” Joaquin finally let out.

“No yeah I agree with that,” Red replied. His eyes still stuck to his knees. The two then slowly but surely started to lean in their seats forward, right, back, and left repeatedly.

“Like look at us, Red. Right now we’re so cognitively aware that we have reverted back into our primitive state of orbit.”

“Yeah no, dude. For sure,” said Red.

“Like my state of consciousness is so climactic right now because of my orbital tendency. I honestly think that gravity is making us stop orbiting,” said Joaquin.

“What do you mean? The earth is pulling us in? Like gravity?” asked Red.

“Yeah no, but I think that it was created to stop us from orbiting,” said Joaquin.


“No yeah synthesized by the elite to keep us from reaching these cognitive heights,” replied Joaquin.

The two friends continued to orbit. Time really isn’t a factor for those who are stoned or don’t need it. Those in a hurry need time to confirm that they are, in fact, in a hurry. Otherwise, we live our lives at our own pace. We only fear our own mortality when someone else reminds us of it.

“Elite? Who are those guys?” asked Red.

“The top of the fucking tippity top, Red. Those better off than us that want to keep us down,” said Joaquin.

“So like all rich people?” asked Red.

Yeah no, not the rich people. I’m talking about the rich rich people. But not like money. Well yes money. But not just money. Knowledge, Red. They got like the secrets to like the universe.” Joaquin was salivating.

Red, who was still in orbit, closed his eyes. “I got the secrets, man. I got the secrets.”

“That’s the thing, how do you know your secrets are the real secrets? How do you know that what they told you ain’t like what they want you to know?” asked Joaquin.

“I’m seeing it right now, Joaq. Do you see all those patterns and shapes dancing in front of me?” replied Red.

“Where are you right now?” asked Joaquin.

“Brother, this is just a vessel to hand you this information. I, Redford, am not here. I have astral projected. Beyond the cosmos,” said Red.

Joaquin’s jaw dropped. His eyes shifted left and right, furiously blinking in disbelief. He close his eyes to chase Red through the cosmos.

In the universe contains everything that will ever exist. This is the first truth that Joaquin learned in the astral plane. The second? You can’t actually see or hear or smell or feel. In fact, you just sense. A sixth sense beyond sense itself. Closest word we have is consciousness.

Back on Earth, Joaquin’s vessel spoke to Red’s, “how the fuck did we get here?”

“You got in here?” asked Red.

“No yeah, I closed my eyes and everything.”

“Holy shit. This is it. The fucking secrets. We gotta get this out to people.”


“People have to know what’s out here.”

“No one will want to believe you. So what’s the point of telling the truth?”


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